i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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