I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
