glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
