i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
