In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
