I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
