Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
