Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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