ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Rumble strips road head = magical
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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