how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
