ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
