YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
