I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
