can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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