i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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