Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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