Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
there was a trapeze. enough said
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
