did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
im drinking this country out of the recession.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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