Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
