My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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