i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
