hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
