Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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