I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
