Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
