I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
