My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
