Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
