I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
