thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
