He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
