i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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