i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
