if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
