wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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