my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
