You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
