It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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