The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
