My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
