I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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