he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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