Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
