he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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