things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
