i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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