Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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