I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
