Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
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