Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
